Christmas Cookies

Makes 5 dozen
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup softened butter (unsalted)
1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp lemon juice
2 large eggs
1 cup chopped nuts
2 cups finely diced dried fruit
1 bottle Patron Anejo tequila

• Sample the Patron to check quality.  Take a large bowl, check the Patron again.  To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

• Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in large fluffy bowl.

• Add one teaspoon of sugar & beat again.  At this point it’s best to make sure the Patron is still okay, try another cup . . . just in case.

• Turn off the mixerer thingy.  Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor . . . mix on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

• Sample the Patron to check for tonsisticity.

• Next sift two cups of salt, or something.  Who giveshz a sheet.  Check the Patron.  Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.  Add one table plus a spoonfool of sugar, or somefink.  Whatever you can find.

• Greash the oven.

• Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.  Don’t forget to beat off the turner. 

• Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Patron and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

                  CHERRY MISTMAS