Makes 5 dozen
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup softened butter (unsalted)
1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp lemon juice
2 large eggs
1 cup chopped nuts
2 cups finely diced dried fruit
1 bottle Patron Anejo tequila
- Sample the Patron to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Patron again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
- Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in large fluffy bowl.
- Add one teaspoon of sugar & beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Patron is still okay, try another cup . . . just in case.
- Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor . . . mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
- Sample the Patron to check for tonsisticity.
- Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Patron. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table plus a spoonfool of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
- Greash the oven.
- Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
- Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Patron and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.